When death comes unexpected.

Last Friday my cousin sister's (S) husband (H) died. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon.

That was a shocking news, because H was a young and healthy man (as far as I knew). He was a teacher.

[caption id="attachment_556" align="alignright" width="300" caption="*Cemetery"][/caption]

As expatriates, death always is a loss to us. We can never get a last glimpse of the persons who were once part and parcel of our life.  We can never be there, physically, to console the family of the deceased, who were there to share our happy and sad moments. We can never share our loss with our loved ones. We have to comfort ourselves, and bear the grief ourselves. We are alone.

Death is a double loss when it comes unexpected. Like that of H. When the old and/or sick persons die, we expect it to happen. We visit them when we go home for vacation. We know that sometimes, that will be the last time we see them. Even though it brings grief when they are gone, still, we can control ourselves a little.

On friday, after Jumu'a prayers, Hubby S came home chatting on his phone. I was putting Aisha to sleep, so I didn't ask him about the call. After Aisha slept, when I went to him, he asked me, "Do you have a cousin BIL called H?"

Me: Yes, why, what happened?

S : Your cousin P called me now. He said H died.

Me: H died? But how can that happen?

(I even forgot to say Inna lillahi... (surely to Allah we belong and to Him we return), which we say when something bad happens or when we hear a bad news, esp of death)

S : What do you mean?

(It was then I got it, H has died. Anyone can die any moment. But H... he was a young energetic man, a teacher, always active and enthusiastic. He was also an active member of the Islamic organisation, KNM or Kerala Nadvathul Mujahideen in Kerala, India. With so many humanitarian and Islamic events to organize  and with a busy academic year, he was always hustling around. I never thought he could die so fast.)

Me: Ok..., ok. What did he die of? Any illness or accident?

S : P said of some internal bleeding, he is not sure though. Better call home to get the details.

[caption id="attachment_557" align="alignleft" width="234" caption="*Muslim coffin"][/caption]

Well, death is always near to us. Just don't know who will be next. But I wish I could be there, to see the loved ones for a last time. To pray for them. To console their family.  But I'm here, sitting alone, pondering about it all. I don't know who all will leave me again. And I don't know when I'll leave them, where it will be. I don't know if they can get a last look at me. Allah knows everything.

May Allah forgive H his mistakes and gather H and us in His Jannah, Ameen.

 

* Photos for illustrative purpose only. Photo courtesy: Google.

Friendship

Yesterday, one of my hubby's friend called him. That was after 23 long years. They (hubby, hubby's twin brother and this friend) studied together in ninth standard, and then both of them changed their schools. After that it was yesterday when they contacted again. They got the contact details from FB, thanks to FB.

I heard them asking question like, "Did you become fat?' and "How many kids? Are they naughty like you?" etc etc. That really brought me into tears and smiles.  I wonder if I'll get such a call from any of my friends, whom I haven't heard of for a couple of decades. I too got many long-lost friends through orkut and FB, but it wasn't after a long time gap. May be after 10 or 15 years. I got in touch with many of my school friends.

Hubby says, his friend , who is in KSA now, will come to meet him and his twin bro. Isn't that great? Re-union after 23 years.

Letter to Mom and Dad.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Don't buy me everything I ask for. If you do so, I'll never learn to face miseries and disappointments in my life. Sometimes I'll be obstinate, I'll shout, roll  on the floor in a public place. But never submit yourself to my persuasion. You know if you should buy it for me. Think twice before selecting things for me.

Sometimes you do opposite to what you say, making me confused. Please keep to your words and don't always change your opinions about certain matters. If so, you will never teach me to take bold decisions.

Don't always scold me. I will listen to you and obey you when you ask me to do anything. Scold me only when necessary.

Keep your promises whenever you make one to me.

Always correct my mistakes or I'll repeat them. I'll also believe that nothing will happen if I do something wrong.

Don't compare me with other kids. It will make me sad and less confident. You know that every child is special with different abilities. Why do you want me to do as other kids do? Why do you want to prove I'm an idiot?

At the age of eighteen, if I still keep asking you, "Mom, which dress should I wear for the party?", then its your fault. Don't do everything for me. 

Don't point out my mistakes in-front of my friends. Why do you want to hurt my feelings? Explain to me about my mistakes when I'm alone with you. Why do you create a chance for my friends to laugh at me?

Every son of Adam is a sinner, including you. Then why do you shout at me for my mistakes? Why don't you lower your voice and choose a peaceful method to explain to me about my mistakes? I like it that way, and I'll listen and understand you more. Moreover when you shout, I understand that shouting is a good habit. I too will start to shout.

Don't lie in my presence. Don't ask me to say "Dad not at home" in a phone when you are at home. You will make me lose respect and faith in you. When you take a false sick leave from your office to watch the cricket or football final, you teach me how to stay away from school for a day or two.

Confess when you do mistakes. Saying sorry to us isn't wrong. It will teach us to confess our mistakes.

Don't prevent us from our small mischiefs. What is the difference between adult and child if it is not for our mischiefs? Let us enjoy our childhood.

Treat me as friend when I reach my teens. This will help me bond closer to you. I'll open up my mind to you if you are open with me. Don't always treat me as a baby. I love your friendship.

Never ever fight in my presence. I need a tranquil and happy life. I have my own tensions, and I don't want to take yours into it. If you need an argument, do it when I'm not at home or when I'm sleeping.

Don't compel me to be the first one in everything I do. Make me understand that participation is better than achievement. Teach me to use the maximum of my ability. Everyone cannot be a winner. Show me that ways to enjoy life. Make me apt to face failures so that I can make my failures the stepping stones to success. Or else, a failure will double my distress and will decrease my confidence into half.

Explain to me about your income or expenditure. If you don't teach me to maintain a budget, I'll never have any savings left. As I said, don't buy everything I ask for.

With love,

Your Kid.

(NB: Slightly adapted. Indebted to an article from the Malayalam news paper Mathrubhumi.)

Rainbow

God gave me some rain,

And then some sunshine.

Now I've got a rainbow,

To color all my life!

Going Insane

I'm going to dubai on 15th of this month which makes me mad. Some moments of my life:

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I get to the kitchen to boil some milk. Pours the milk into a pan and keeps it on the stove. I know I've a breakdown, so I decide to stand near the stove until the milk is boiled. I wait... wait and wait. A few more seconds for the milk to boil. I just wonder what will I do with Aisha on the flight. And then, shhhh......

The milk is all over the oven!

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MIL asks me to take the vegetables from the refrigerator. I say, "OK, Mom". I get near the refrigerator and then sees Aisha's towel, which should be in the suitcase. I go to put it in the suitcase, when I remember that I have to call to the airlines office to get the minutes of the journey. I take my phone to call them, and when scrolling down the contact list, I see the number of my aunty whom I have not called to sa about my departure, and I call her.

Half an hour later, in the kitchen, I see my MIL cutting the vegetables!

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I start packing Aisha's clothes. I get the blue blouse and searches for its pants. After searching the shelves, baskets and bags I cannot find it. So I put apart the blue blouse and takes the green frock. I fishes down the bag to get its matching socks when I get the blue pants. I look around for the blue blouse which has disappeared! With half an hour wasted on blue blouse and green socks, I finally reach for the pink coat and starts searching its pair.

Packing started last month and still continues, as a mega serial!

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To sister Salma who have asked me to contribute to her blog and awarded me with a stylish blogger award, and to my friend Nish who have awarded me with a stylish blogger award:

Thanks for your awards and offer, which is a honor to me. But as you know I'm moving to Dubai with little Aisha, I'm at the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'll surely get back to you once I get settled.

To all others, especially my family (MIL for sure), thanks for bearing with me.

Friends

I went for a marriage function last Saturday and there I met one of my friends - a meeting after 10 years! We have stayed together in a room for one year during our entrance coaching period during 2000-2001. after ten years, on April 15th 2011 we met again. With no words to describe our emotions, we hugged each other. My friend S explained to little Aisha that we were friends. Hope Aisha understood. S has a little daughter Diya, some 4 or 5 years old. We became school girls once more, talking about other friends and contacts. S hasn't changed much, except that she has put on some weight. It was S's sister's marriage. The bride was beautiful, with a rich mughal attire.

I have been in India for almost a year and this long vacation gave me so much time to meet many of my friends. Friends are a big asset for me. Even though there have been some misunderstandings between some of my friends and me, I cherish all the moments I have spent with them. They make me smile, in my gloom and in my daydream. I request and hope they will forgive me if I have done them any wrong. I Love You.

My friends J and Sh came to see me in the hospital, when I was admitted there. I was really pleased to see them, after so many boring hospital days. anyone is welcome in the hospital when you have nothing to do, friends are the most welcome. I haven't seen S since my marriage in 2006 September, and haven't seen J since her marriage in 2006 December. Both of them hasn't changed a bit.

I met my friends S, T and F at a get together we arranged. I haven't seen them since my marriage. S has got 2 kids and F has got one. We had a jolly time, but with the kids to look after even a day seemed a few moments. House-chores, cooking, baby-care, fashion etc etc were all under the roof. We also shared the latest news about other contacts we had. J, Sh, S, T and F were my room mates for 4 years.

The sad part of all these meeting was - none of my friends have changed, but I have put on a lot of weight! :(

Cooing Girl

Surprised? Happy? Playful? What’s on her mind?