Motherhood again

I read this experience of a father in a book. He was sitting with his sick boy in his lap, caressing him, when he saw a book lying near by. He took the book with his free hand and started reading it while still caressing the boy. After a few minutes, the boy opened his eyes and said, "Father, please don't read."

Kids always want our complete attention. I was sitting with my baby in my arms, planning to use the free hand on my laptop. I opened the lap top and she started growling. I started typing a mail and her growling became more frequent and louder. I took my hand away from the keys and then she stopped. I wonder how she understands what my hands are doing.

[caption id="attachment_486" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Hospital"][/caption]

The one month hospital stay was really an unforgettable one. So many babies with so many complications!  Mothers patiently waiting for the apple of their eye to recover and get growing. I saw a mom, S, staying at the hospital. She had a pre-term delivery and the baby, about 1.5 Kg, is in the NICU. Her hubby is abroad. She has a elder daughter, 3 years old, staying with her grandmum. S is staying in the hospital alone. Every two hours, she squeezes milk from her breast into a feeding bottle, goes to the NICU and feeds the baby. She puts a cotton piece inside the nipple of the bottle so that the milk comes out only in drops for the baby to drink. It takes some time to complete the feeding process. I saw her feeding the baby. I still feel my heart weeping when those thoughts come to me. Hospitals are really boring even if you are staying there for full body spa. Then how can a mum with her baby in the NICU stay there alone for one (or more?) month? That too with nobody to talk to, no one near her to console her. Her days would have been long, and nights longer.

There were other mothers too with such difficulties. Moms of babies born with heart diseases, babies whose respiratory and digestive systems are not functioning well, new born babies with major illness like jaundice, measles, flu etc. Babies who had some operations and then they got infected. May God cure all those babies and give them a healthy life. I don't have words to describe the feeling I had when I looked into the eyes of these mothers. Everyone eagerly waiting for their baby to get stronger. Standing in queue for their turn to feed the baby with the squeezed out breast-milk in their hand. Everyone in prayers for their kids. Are they enjoying motherhood? I was also one of them for a few hours.

 

Motherhood.

After long long days of anticipations... Enjoying motherhood.

I don't know why, but God led me through a tough path to reach motherhood. I believe He kept the best for the last - now the best is in my hands, with all His blessings. He blessed us with a little princess, Aisha. I hope and pray she grows into a young woman like Aisha binth Aboobacker (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon her).

I was in hospital for one plus month before her birth. The same problem for my first pregnancy, a hyper-coiled umbilical cord. I wonder why does the cord that gives the nourishment to the baby  become her killer too? But thanks to Allah, the doc and the radiologist, the problem was detected earlier. One month hospital stay and a c-section. The baby was took out from my womb 38 days before her arrival date! Quoting the words of Macduff in the Shakespeare play Macbeth, "from his mother's womb untimely ripp'd." I hope she too grows up to destroy some Macbeths.

Praise be to Allah, now she is doing well. Enjoying (?!) her childhood. Crying, laughing, talking etc etc.

Hopes Of Freedom.

Even with the lullaby from the ac,

Or the warm and soothing blanket

And the soft cotton bed,

I feel my sleep still far away.

Even with the different menus,

Tastly cooked up for me

Decorated, and served in china ware,

I still feel my hunger flown away.

Even the beautiful frock I wear,

Stitched with the finest of silks

Soft like the feather of a peacock,

Is pricking my body all the time.

When can I be my own master

And turn around as I wish,

When can I break the big black chains

And fly with my thoughts, far and wide.

Then may be I can sleep well

Even under the railway bridge,

And the left-over in the bin

Will be the tastiest of all the food,

And the re-stitched torn frock

Will feel like a feather on me.

I wish those days come fast,

And take me of my feet.

The Story of the Tears.

I heard this Malayalam song in the TV, and I thought I want to share it. P. Bhaskaran wrote the lyrics and M.S. Baburaj tuned the songs. S. Janaki sang this beautiful song. I don't have any copy right license from them, but I do really want to share it.

Iru kanner thullikal oru sundariyude

Two tears, from a beauty

Karimizhiyil vachu kandu mutti

On her beautiful black eyes

Kandu mutti avar kandu mutti

They saw each other, and they met.

Pinne kandu vanna swapnathinKadha cholli

And they shared their dream stories

Thamara poykayile arayannangale pole

Like the swans of the lotus pond.

Premathal parasparam kai neetti

They tried to touch each other, with their love.

Adukkuvanavarkkonnum kazhinjilla

But they were not able to get near.

Akalathanakalathaniru perum

Far far away were they, both of them.

Kavililekkozhukumobol orumikkamennorthu

They hoped to meet on her cheeks

Karalil pratheekshayumay yatra thudarnnu

And came rolling down with the  hope in their heart.

Karalil pratheekshayumay yathra thudarnnu

Came rolling down with the hope in their heart.

Aduthathilla avar aduthathilla

They never touched each other, they never came near

Oru neduveerppin kodunkattil pirinju poyi

They got parted in the storm of a sigh

Maranathin bheekara marubhoovilveenurundu

And tumbled into the huge desert of the bossom

Mazhathulli poleyavar alinju poyee

And like the raindrops, melted away…

( I never thought that tears could have a love story, with the sigh as a villain. What a thought!!)

Back Again

Wondering where I was all these days? I was here, we had a problem with our net connection. Now its ok. Alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, I'll be writing often from now on.

But, at the moment, I'm not in a mood to write anything. I don't know why I feel it this way. When I had no net connection at home, I wanted to write about so many things. I used to think how to sort it out all. But now, when the wordpress page is staring at me, I feel lost. May be because I have so much to say, and because I cannot put it out in order. So many things are coming to mind that I feel it blank!

May this window by which I sit is making me go blank. The dark clouds are giggling at Dubai. Taking their time for another downpour.

The date-palm tree has its leaves in the air like a pea-cock's tail ready to dance with the rain. Oh! There is another pea-cock story here. I hear a pea-cock cry every day at dusk. Petting pea-cocks are banned in India, which has pea-cock as its national bird. So when I hear the cry, I feel that something is wrong. Pea-cocks are free to wander where ever they like in India, and so we get to see them often, in the farms, bushes and small outgrowths of plants and trees.

Its flowering time for the dates. We see a lot of flowered date-palm tree while travelling through UAE. Last year, our owner presented us with a big bunch(??) of those sweet  dates.  Hubby had one glass of date+milk juice everyday in the afternoon. Even though we never added sugar in it, it was very sweet.

Date palm and the sky. Let me take some more snaps of it with my eye. I don't think my mobile cam is good at taking in the whole beauty of it. So, leaving this page for now.

Insha Allh, we can meet again, and I hope no such serenic beauty comes to my window again!

Snaps from Home

Walking with a camera is great. There are lots and lots of stills around you. I'm not a great photographer, and these snaps would have been more beautiful if someone good at photography has taken it. But  even with my little knowledge, I think they are beautiful. And 99% of the credit goes to the the Creator of the mother nature. 1%  to my in-laws, who spends their day caring for the trees and plants around them, feeding, weeding and watering.

Take a look at some of them here.

Alone.

I am alone at my home now. My hubby has gone to office, his brother and my co-sis, together with their kid, has gone to pick him up. How wonderful it is to be alone for some moments. To think of many things... to dream. With only the sounds of sparrows to disturb you. Its started raining in Dubai. Slight rains here, where we leave. The tiles around our home is always wet, but not drowned in water. Sun plays hide and seek with rain and clouds. Its a bit cold now. How beautiful God has created this world. And here I sit, at the door of my home, and browse through the net. Reading mails, posts, sending them. No movements around me. A still, calm, quiet time. I think of my son in heaven, and I'm happy for him to be in such a great place. I think of my family back at home. I think of my college days, they were really great. Wish I could go back once again and do things I have done at that time. To shout at the top of my voice. To sit under the trees by the roads. To go to shops for a carefree walk. To watch movies with friends. To play the songs at the highest volumes. To dress up for fashion parade. To take a lot of snaps. To decide if the man and woman walking by are lovers, friends, couples or relatives. Etc, etc, and a thousand etcs. I want to be carefree. While exams were blessings of God, for the days after exams were the greatest blessings.

Back to school days. A lot of girls. Strict rules to be broken. New year parties were great then, as they were strictly forbidden in the Islamic school. We had nothing less for our mid-night party, there were gifts, cakes, soft drinks, chocolates, flowers, balloons and everything. Poking teachers too. But celebrations never lacked the spirits. One moment of celebrations, and the next moment it will be calm and quiet with every thing gone from the table when the teacher arrives. No lights. Pin drop silence. Not even a snore. Everyone under their warm blankets. The party get into action as soon as the teacher closes her door behind her.

So, there are so many reasons to smile at the loneliness. Smile at the trees. Smile at the sky. Smile at the birds. The little birdy on the roof of the next house is looking at me. Confused. Why is she laughing alone? There are a hundred reasons, birdy. A hundred thousand reasons. God has blessed me with a lot of beautiful things in my life. Funny siblings are one of them. I never cease to laugh when I'm with them.

Loneliness is one of the great things God has given me. Thankyou a lot for your Blessings, my God.