Don't Hold Back Your Feelings.

When I saw these words on someone's profile in fb, the first thought that came to me was one of my friends', let's call him F. F was a cancer patient, but he never informed his family about his illness. And one fine(?) morning, F died. His wife and kids were shocked and so were his kith and kin, no one was bale to comfort the other. I wish he had said about it to his family and friends, so that we could have seen it coming and prepare for it. May be F must have waited for a chance to tell them, but never got the chance. Or may be he must have thought, why worry the people who love me a lot. His intentions were good, but the result was bad - his wife was mentally broken for a long time.

Dear friends, if you have got anything to tell your loved ones, please don't postpone it. Make your love known (as Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) have said, proclaim your love to whom you love), and share your troubles. Even if they can't help you, they can pray for you.

There was a Boy ‘n a Girl,

They were best friends for years ‘n years,
They could Talk for hours on the Phone ‘n text each other for days,
When They were Together;
Not a single Sad Thought could cross their Minds,
everything was Great, But One Day;The Boy did not Answer any Call or Reply to any Text for a Day,
The Girl was worried that something was Wrong..
at night She couldn’t Sleep.., She was sitting in her Room Crying,
‘n It was then that She Realized how much He Means to Her..?

The next Morning;
She woke Up from a Phone call.., It was the Boy..

Boy : Hey..,
Girl : Im so glad that you Called Me, What happened to you yesterday ??
Boy : I was Busy
[ The GIRL Understood that;
Something was Wrong but could not Ask]

[silence]

Boy : You know..; We should Stop talking..!
Girl: What??.., But Why ??
Boy: I am Sorry, Bye..!

[He Disconnected the call, 'n She Felt as If Somebody
had Slammed the door on Her face]

Everything else Flashed in Her Mind,
Tears :’(
Cars running by Her..
Roof of some building..’n Sunset..
She couldn’t understand anything..
She started Feeling Lonely, Dejected, ‘n broken..:’(

That was the answer to everything! His words were pouncing on her..
Her heart wanted to jump out!

He was the One..! “Why..??”
She Screamed at the Top of her Voice;
Then She made up Her Mind to make a last Try to get Him Back..!

[She called Him Up]
Girl: hi…
Boy: Why are you calling Me?
Girl: I need to tell you Something..
Boy: Go Ahead.
Girl: I Just Wanted You to know one thing before we stopped talking!
Boy: Tell me..!

Girl: Are you All right?
[She broke off..!
She tried but may be he doesn't really Care about Her,
She Thought!
She wasn't His friend in the first Place...
Tears were slowly running Worst
She left the House with a Note..!

[5 hours later]

Phone Rang in the Boy’s Room,
It was the Girl’s Mum,
The girl was lying in the hospital, Got hit by a Car, :’(
The Boy rushed to the Hospital where She was.

She Opened Her Eyes with the Boy’s name..,
He took her Hand..

Boy: Im so Sorry Its all my fault..! But;
I promise when U get better I’ll make It up to You..

Girl: I wont get Better..
Boy: No..! No Don’t say that..
Girl: just tell me one thing Why did you do it?

Boy told her that He had a Heart problem ‘n
he did not want her to be worried;
‘n there was a risk that he could have Died..!

Boy: I did that because I…..I…..I Love you..?
Girl : I LOVE YOU TOO..?

‘n After That her heart Stopped Beating…:O
She Died..! :’(
The Boy died 10 mins later from a Heart Attack..:’(

He could not live with the thought that;
She died Because of Him.. :’(

-Moral (my own words)
If You Love Someone…;
Then Don’t Hold Back Your Feelings…
because Love is The Reason to Live..!
Love is Beautiful Live with This Feeling

Insha Allah

You know what, I read this article in a magazine and found it very interesting. I never knew what exactly fate meant until I read this. Some thoughts from the article: Allah has given man the power to decide anything. He can think and plan his deeds. He can chose between the right or wrong, chose between likes and dislikes and chose anything he want. He has been given the complete control over his brains. But when it comes to action, or his deed, it depends on the place and time (or scientifically, the four co-ordinates). Men do not have any control over the place and time. Only Allah has. So you can plan to fly to the stars tomorrow, you can take a dive in the ocean to see its underground wealth. But you cannot put it into action until and unless Allah has decided to do so. So when you plan to do something and say, “I’ll do it”, you may be wrong. Sometimes you will never be able to do it. But instead if you use, Insha Allah, or ‘if Allah wills’, it means you have decided to do something and since the complete control of time and place is with Allah, you cannot put you decision into action- you need His consent to do it. So Fate or Qadr means the control of place and time by Allah.

ABC's I'm grateful for.

I got this idea from Amalia's blog. Its been a month since I started drafting this post. Some alphabets proved very tough, like U, V, Y and Z. Some where very easy, I never needed a second thought, like A, B, C, D, H and M. Some of them may not be my first choices and I might have left some of the great things I'm really grateful for. 




A for Aisha. My little love, who brought a light to my life. I don’t have to think again.

[caption id="attachment_595" align="alignright" width="204" caption="Aisha"][/caption]

B for my Brothers. They are my biggest assets.

C for Chicken. Crazy about it. Hubby says he can see my mouth watering when I see a live hen/cock in the premises.

D for Dad, without whom I won’t have reached where I’m now.

E for Engineers. They made the world such a wonderful place to live in.

F for Family and friends. Do I need a reason for this?

G for Google. There is nothing I don’t know if I have got a Google search with me.

H for Hubby. Love for Life.

I for In-laws, they are the greatest you can ever have. Espicially my sisters-in-law.

J for Jokes. I love them and can’t live a day without a good laugh.

K for Kittens - here a meow, there a meow, everywhere a meow meow!! What fun it would be!

L for Liberty, I don’t know how to live without freedom, my birthright.

M for Mom and Memories. Blessed I am to have such a wonderful person in my life. Memories makes me smile and weep in my solitude.

N for my Niece and Nephew. Love you a lot kids!

O for Optimism. I’m optimistic that ultimately truth will prevail. I don’t have to worry about it.

P for Prayers. Prayers guide me and give me strength. They make me optimistic.

Q for Qur’an. I love pondering over its words.

R for Rainbow – Muhammed. I have something to look forward to.

S for Social networks. I got in touch with so many of my lost friends and far away relatives.

T for Technology and Teachers. Both have put their share in building up my life.

U for UAE, my second home.

V for Violet. I love that color.

W for Water – to have a cool or hot shower after a busy day! I think I need one now, just at the thought of the shower.

X for X-chromosome. Women – heart full of love and kindness, patience is her synonym, and sacrifice is her destiny.  May be I’m a feminist ‘coz I believe that the world would have been better if it was controlled by women!

Y for Youthfulness at my heart. I never grow old.

Z for Zinnia – its more than a flower to me, and the reason is a secret. Ssshhhh….

[caption id="attachment_592" align="aligncenter" width="201" caption="Zinnia"][/caption]

In the end, Alhamdulillah, O! Thank You Allah, for everything.

Eid Mubarak

[caption id="attachment_582" align="aligncenter" width="418" caption="Eid Mubarak"][/caption]

Ramadan Kareem.

Today's Gulf News Tabloid's cover page caption is: Switch On... Your Guide to the hottest Post-Iftar shows on TV this Ramadan.

So you fast full day, without even a sip of water, and as soon as you break your fasting, get your remote, switch on the TV and get the hottest shows! Isn't that the most 'spiritual' way to end your fasting? No wonder the condition of Muslims around the world are so pathetic!

A Ramadan Kareem to all Muslims around the world.  Let us hold the spirit of this Ramadan through out the day, week, month, year and our life.

Welcome to Ramadan

Phew.... It was a very busy weekend. With Ramadan at our doorstep, we didn't want to postpone the cleaning again. Chose Friday for the Ramadan shopping and Saturday for the cleaning. We didn't want to break the cleaning process in between, so we thought it would be better to do it on Saturday, 'coz we had Jumua prayers on Friday.

Back in India, we used to do the cleaning on Sha'abaan 15th. Its a ritual over there. Some people fast on that day, but I think that's against Prophet's (PBUH) sunnah. People clean their houses, clothes and cooking utensils and they stack the food needed for Ramadan. In remote villages, they make rice flour, corriander powder, chilly powder etc themselves. So, welcoming ramadan is a week long festival.

We started our shopping after lunch. Shopping during evenings on weekend was out of question, shoppers will be hustling over the place. So we chose a less busy time, just after lunch. You don't have to remind yourself  its ramadan, you will see it all over the place. 'Ramadan Kareem' boards hang everywhere, in parks, mosques and all public places. Ads starting with 'its Ramadan...' or 'try your luck in Ramadan...' or 'Welcome Ramadana with....' are all over the places. At the shop, there were special 'Ramadan' offer, 'Ramadan' snacks and 'Ramadan' food court. I wanted to take a ride through those special 'Ramadan' places, but due to the lack of time, Hubby refused with a big NO. Dates and drinks decorated the entrance of the shop.  Aisha was excited when she saw the colorful l-e-ds flashing and laser light dancing inside the shop. With the Ramdan so much consumerized, we didn't have to ponder over what to buy and were able to make a quick shopping. As usual, Aisha became very annoyed in her stroller by the end of the shopping. 

Saturday began earlier than any weekend begins. Started with the kitchen, where we had to clean so many shelves, throw away expired food items and change old containers with new ones etc etc. We took turns in cleaning, me and hubby doing the cleaning while hubby's brother S baby sitting Aisha, then S and hubby cleaning while me tending Aisha, and then me and S cleaning while hubby looks after Aisha. Each time I sit with I Aisha, I thought cleaning was better and when I started cleaning, I thought looking after Aisha was better. The other shore always felt greener. Aisha was thrilled, with the home no more baby proof. She slithered all around the place, and the baby sitter had a tough time! Cleaning, washing, sweeping and moping... (I'm not a Cinderella!), by noon everyone was very tired and hungry, although we had snacks in between. We ordered a chicken biriyani (cooking was already banned on cleaning day) and dug into it. S and hubby took a long nap after that, but I had much trouble to put Aisha to sleep, as she never sleeps during those hours. By 4 o'clock, she too fell asleep, after which I slept.

I thought Ramadan would arrive on Sunday, after all the work, I was like, eager to welcome Ramadan, but the night news said it would be on Monday. Well, it seems I've one more day to do the finishing works for welcoming Ramadan. Priority for washing the clothes. With much thought about fasting while lactating, I've decided to fast. I pray that everything goes fine for me and Aisha. Ameen.

When death comes unexpected.

Last Friday my cousin sister's (S) husband (H) died. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon.

That was a shocking news, because H was a young and healthy man (as far as I knew). He was a teacher.

[caption id="attachment_556" align="alignright" width="300" caption="*Cemetery"][/caption]

As expatriates, death always is a loss to us. We can never get a last glimpse of the persons who were once part and parcel of our life.  We can never be there, physically, to console the family of the deceased, who were there to share our happy and sad moments. We can never share our loss with our loved ones. We have to comfort ourselves, and bear the grief ourselves. We are alone.

Death is a double loss when it comes unexpected. Like that of H. When the old and/or sick persons die, we expect it to happen. We visit them when we go home for vacation. We know that sometimes, that will be the last time we see them. Even though it brings grief when they are gone, still, we can control ourselves a little.

On friday, after Jumu'a prayers, Hubby S came home chatting on his phone. I was putting Aisha to sleep, so I didn't ask him about the call. After Aisha slept, when I went to him, he asked me, "Do you have a cousin BIL called H?"

Me: Yes, why, what happened?

S : Your cousin P called me now. He said H died.

Me: H died? But how can that happen?

(I even forgot to say Inna lillahi... (surely to Allah we belong and to Him we return), which we say when something bad happens or when we hear a bad news, esp of death)

S : What do you mean?

(It was then I got it, H has died. Anyone can die any moment. But H... he was a young energetic man, a teacher, always active and enthusiastic. He was also an active member of the Islamic organisation, KNM or Kerala Nadvathul Mujahideen in Kerala, India. With so many humanitarian and Islamic events to organize  and with a busy academic year, he was always hustling around. I never thought he could die so fast.)

Me: Ok..., ok. What did he die of? Any illness or accident?

S : P said of some internal bleeding, he is not sure though. Better call home to get the details.

[caption id="attachment_557" align="alignleft" width="234" caption="*Muslim coffin"][/caption]

Well, death is always near to us. Just don't know who will be next. But I wish I could be there, to see the loved ones for a last time. To pray for them. To console their family.  But I'm here, sitting alone, pondering about it all. I don't know who all will leave me again. And I don't know when I'll leave them, where it will be. I don't know if they can get a last look at me. Allah knows everything.

May Allah forgive H his mistakes and gather H and us in His Jannah, Ameen.

 

* Photos for illustrative purpose only. Photo courtesy: Google.

Friendship

Yesterday, one of my hubby's friend called him. That was after 23 long years. They (hubby, hubby's twin brother and this friend) studied together in ninth standard, and then both of them changed their schools. After that it was yesterday when they contacted again. They got the contact details from FB, thanks to FB.

I heard them asking question like, "Did you become fat?' and "How many kids? Are they naughty like you?" etc etc. That really brought me into tears and smiles.  I wonder if I'll get such a call from any of my friends, whom I haven't heard of for a couple of decades. I too got many long-lost friends through orkut and FB, but it wasn't after a long time gap. May be after 10 or 15 years. I got in touch with many of my school friends.

Hubby says, his friend , who is in KSA now, will come to meet him and his twin bro. Isn't that great? Re-union after 23 years.

Letter to Mom and Dad.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Don't buy me everything I ask for. If you do so, I'll never learn to face miseries and disappointments in my life. Sometimes I'll be obstinate, I'll shout, roll  on the floor in a public place. But never submit yourself to my persuasion. You know if you should buy it for me. Think twice before selecting things for me.

Sometimes you do opposite to what you say, making me confused. Please keep to your words and don't always change your opinions about certain matters. If so, you will never teach me to take bold decisions.

Don't always scold me. I will listen to you and obey you when you ask me to do anything. Scold me only when necessary.

Keep your promises whenever you make one to me.

Always correct my mistakes or I'll repeat them. I'll also believe that nothing will happen if I do something wrong.

Don't compare me with other kids. It will make me sad and less confident. You know that every child is special with different abilities. Why do you want me to do as other kids do? Why do you want to prove I'm an idiot?

At the age of eighteen, if I still keep asking you, "Mom, which dress should I wear for the party?", then its your fault. Don't do everything for me. 

Don't point out my mistakes in-front of my friends. Why do you want to hurt my feelings? Explain to me about my mistakes when I'm alone with you. Why do you create a chance for my friends to laugh at me?

Every son of Adam is a sinner, including you. Then why do you shout at me for my mistakes? Why don't you lower your voice and choose a peaceful method to explain to me about my mistakes? I like it that way, and I'll listen and understand you more. Moreover when you shout, I understand that shouting is a good habit. I too will start to shout.

Don't lie in my presence. Don't ask me to say "Dad not at home" in a phone when you are at home. You will make me lose respect and faith in you. When you take a false sick leave from your office to watch the cricket or football final, you teach me how to stay away from school for a day or two.

Confess when you do mistakes. Saying sorry to us isn't wrong. It will teach us to confess our mistakes.

Don't prevent us from our small mischiefs. What is the difference between adult and child if it is not for our mischiefs? Let us enjoy our childhood.

Treat me as friend when I reach my teens. This will help me bond closer to you. I'll open up my mind to you if you are open with me. Don't always treat me as a baby. I love your friendship.

Never ever fight in my presence. I need a tranquil and happy life. I have my own tensions, and I don't want to take yours into it. If you need an argument, do it when I'm not at home or when I'm sleeping.

Don't compel me to be the first one in everything I do. Make me understand that participation is better than achievement. Teach me to use the maximum of my ability. Everyone cannot be a winner. Show me that ways to enjoy life. Make me apt to face failures so that I can make my failures the stepping stones to success. Or else, a failure will double my distress and will decrease my confidence into half.

Explain to me about your income or expenditure. If you don't teach me to maintain a budget, I'll never have any savings left. As I said, don't buy everything I ask for.

With love,

Your Kid.

(NB: Slightly adapted. Indebted to an article from the Malayalam news paper Mathrubhumi.)

Rainbow

God gave me some rain,

And then some sunshine.

Now I've got a rainbow,

To color all my life!

Going Insane

I'm going to dubai on 15th of this month which makes me mad. Some moments of my life:

***********************

I get to the kitchen to boil some milk. Pours the milk into a pan and keeps it on the stove. I know I've a breakdown, so I decide to stand near the stove until the milk is boiled. I wait... wait and wait. A few more seconds for the milk to boil. I just wonder what will I do with Aisha on the flight. And then, shhhh......

The milk is all over the oven!

***********************

MIL asks me to take the vegetables from the refrigerator. I say, "OK, Mom". I get near the refrigerator and then sees Aisha's towel, which should be in the suitcase. I go to put it in the suitcase, when I remember that I have to call to the airlines office to get the minutes of the journey. I take my phone to call them, and when scrolling down the contact list, I see the number of my aunty whom I have not called to sa about my departure, and I call her.

Half an hour later, in the kitchen, I see my MIL cutting the vegetables!

***********************

I start packing Aisha's clothes. I get the blue blouse and searches for its pants. After searching the shelves, baskets and bags I cannot find it. So I put apart the blue blouse and takes the green frock. I fishes down the bag to get its matching socks when I get the blue pants. I look around for the blue blouse which has disappeared! With half an hour wasted on blue blouse and green socks, I finally reach for the pink coat and starts searching its pair.

Packing started last month and still continues, as a mega serial!

***********************

To sister Salma who have asked me to contribute to her blog and awarded me with a stylish blogger award, and to my friend Nish who have awarded me with a stylish blogger award:

Thanks for your awards and offer, which is a honor to me. But as you know I'm moving to Dubai with little Aisha, I'm at the verge of a nervous breakdown. I'll surely get back to you once I get settled.

To all others, especially my family (MIL for sure), thanks for bearing with me.

Friends

I went for a marriage function last Saturday and there I met one of my friends - a meeting after 10 years! We have stayed together in a room for one year during our entrance coaching period during 2000-2001. after ten years, on April 15th 2011 we met again. With no words to describe our emotions, we hugged each other. My friend S explained to little Aisha that we were friends. Hope Aisha understood. S has a little daughter Diya, some 4 or 5 years old. We became school girls once more, talking about other friends and contacts. S hasn't changed much, except that she has put on some weight. It was S's sister's marriage. The bride was beautiful, with a rich mughal attire.

I have been in India for almost a year and this long vacation gave me so much time to meet many of my friends. Friends are a big asset for me. Even though there have been some misunderstandings between some of my friends and me, I cherish all the moments I have spent with them. They make me smile, in my gloom and in my daydream. I request and hope they will forgive me if I have done them any wrong. I Love You.

My friends J and Sh came to see me in the hospital, when I was admitted there. I was really pleased to see them, after so many boring hospital days. anyone is welcome in the hospital when you have nothing to do, friends are the most welcome. I haven't seen S since my marriage in 2006 September, and haven't seen J since her marriage in 2006 December. Both of them hasn't changed a bit.

I met my friends S, T and F at a get together we arranged. I haven't seen them since my marriage. S has got 2 kids and F has got one. We had a jolly time, but with the kids to look after even a day seemed a few moments. House-chores, cooking, baby-care, fashion etc etc were all under the roof. We also shared the latest news about other contacts we had. J, Sh, S, T and F were my room mates for 4 years.

The sad part of all these meeting was - none of my friends have changed, but I have put on a lot of weight! :(

Cooing Girl

Surprised? Happy? Playful? What’s on her mind?

 

New Revolution...

Going through the TV and newspapers, watching whats happening in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya...

The New Revolution starting from Africa!

I hope the revolution goes on, from Africa to Midlle-east to Asia to Europe to Americas to Australia.

I pray for the spark to burn the whole world... and let the earth get purer like  gold being purified by melting it in fire.



Let the corrupt leaders flee...

Let the aristocracy vanish...

Let the democracy prevail...

Let the mass be free...

Let the world become a better place to live in...

I join in prayers with the people who took part to get their freedom from their pharaoh-like leaders...


Praying for a better tomorrow.

Miracles

I wish and wait for a miracle to happen in my life, that changes my life for good...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

Verses and Pics borrowed from here.

101 Days

Aisha is 101 days old today. She has become a big girl!! Changed a lot too.

Started sleeping alright, from 10 pm to 6 or 7 am, and from 12 pm to 4 pm (approx). She has also taken her next step in motor development - turn on her side. May be with in a couple of weeks, she would turn on her belly, Insha Allah. She coos and babbless in her own way. Smiles at people, especially when you talk to her. She stares at light and moving object. She loves to talk to her granddad (my FIL) and her uncle (my brother) bcoz both of them talk to her a lot. She loves to sleep by my side, more than sleeping by herself.  She holds her dress and pulls it to her mouth. She puts her hand in her mouth when hungry.

On her side.

Sleeping with Dad.

101 is great, eh?

More of her life shared here.

BuSy DaYs!

Ooopsss.... Days have bcom shorter and nights, much shorter. By the time she sleeps, morning start peeping thru my window. I get to kitchen, starts cooking and the moment I sit to eat, she starts yelling. Thanx to my parents and in-laws who help me with the kid. By the way, she loves her daily oil massage and bath. My mom prepared her special virgin coconut oil, with some medicinal roots, leaves and flowers. She enjoys the smooth massages, and I too love to give her a bath.

Motherhood again

I read this experience of a father in a book. He was sitting with his sick boy in his lap, caressing him, when he saw a book lying near by. He took the book with his free hand and started reading it while still caressing the boy. After a few minutes, the boy opened his eyes and said, "Father, please don't read."

Kids always want our complete attention. I was sitting with my baby in my arms, planning to use the free hand on my laptop. I opened the lap top and she started growling. I started typing a mail and her growling became more frequent and louder. I took my hand away from the keys and then she stopped. I wonder how she understands what my hands are doing.

[caption id="attachment_486" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Hospital"][/caption]

The one month hospital stay was really an unforgettable one. So many babies with so many complications!  Mothers patiently waiting for the apple of their eye to recover and get growing. I saw a mom, S, staying at the hospital. She had a pre-term delivery and the baby, about 1.5 Kg, is in the NICU. Her hubby is abroad. She has a elder daughter, 3 years old, staying with her grandmum. S is staying in the hospital alone. Every two hours, she squeezes milk from her breast into a feeding bottle, goes to the NICU and feeds the baby. She puts a cotton piece inside the nipple of the bottle so that the milk comes out only in drops for the baby to drink. It takes some time to complete the feeding process. I saw her feeding the baby. I still feel my heart weeping when those thoughts come to me. Hospitals are really boring even if you are staying there for full body spa. Then how can a mum with her baby in the NICU stay there alone for one (or more?) month? That too with nobody to talk to, no one near her to console her. Her days would have been long, and nights longer.

There were other mothers too with such difficulties. Moms of babies born with heart diseases, babies whose respiratory and digestive systems are not functioning well, new born babies with major illness like jaundice, measles, flu etc. Babies who had some operations and then they got infected. May God cure all those babies and give them a healthy life. I don't have words to describe the feeling I had when I looked into the eyes of these mothers. Everyone eagerly waiting for their baby to get stronger. Standing in queue for their turn to feed the baby with the squeezed out breast-milk in their hand. Everyone in prayers for their kids. Are they enjoying motherhood? I was also one of them for a few hours.